非常喜歡的一首歌 總是讓我淚流滿面 獻給懂這首歌的人。
Headlights 車頭燈
Mom, I know I let you down
And though you say the days are happy
Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?
And mom, I know he's not around
But don't you place the blame on me
As you pour yourself another drink, yeah
媽，我知道我讓你失望了
你說我們曾經有過開心的日子
為什麼我過的一蹋糊塗?
還有，媽，我知道他不在我們身邊
妳卻不停喝著酒
把錯都怪到我頭上
I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far
在這漆黑的夜裡 車頭燈一路亮著
而我猜我們就是這樣
再也回不去了
I went in headfirst
Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse
My mom probably got it the worst
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are
Did I take it too far?
Cleaning out my closet and all them other songs
But regardless I don't hate you cause ma!
You're still beautiful to me, cause you're my mom
Though far be it for you to be calling, my house was Vietnam
Desert Storm and both of us put together can form an atomic bomb
Equivalent to Chemical warfare
And forever we can drag this on and on
But, agree to disagree
That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me
You're kicking me out? It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve
(little prick just leave) ma, let me grab my fucking coat
Anything to have each other's goats, why we always at each others throats?
Especially when dad, he fucked us both
We're in the same fucking boat
You'd think that it'd make us close (nope)
Further away that drove us, but together headlights shine
A car full of belongings
Still got a ways to go,
Back to grandma's house, it's straight up the road
And I was the man of the house, the oldest
So my shoulders carried the weight of the load
Then Nate got taken away by the state at 8 years old, and
That's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable
And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though
But…
從沒想過我曾經的莽撞言語傷害了誰
我媽大概是傷的最深的
那一切很痛 但我們也一樣固執
是我太過份了嗎?
寫了Cleaning out my close和那些歌
媽，不管我寫了什麼，我都不恨你
對我來說，妳依舊美好，因為妳是我媽
你無法想像，以前我們家就像越南
沙漠風暴加上我們同住一個屋簷下 原子彈漸漸成形
最終化學戰開打 變成一場無法結束的戰爭
妳得同意那個聖誕樹下的禮物對我來說一文不值
那天聖誕夜，外面-10度，妳居然要趕我出去?
(小混蛋要閃了，)媽，我拿個外套沒意見吧
我們願意做任何事去傷害對方，而我們為什麼要這麼做?
特別是那時我爸，他這樣對待我們
我們在同一艘船上
以為這樣會讓我們親近彼此?(想太多了)
那只讓我們漸行漸遠，但車頭燈仍在夜裡閃亮
載著滿車的東西
日子還是得過下去
直直的走回阿嬤家
我是長子也是這個家的支柱
所以我一肩扛起這些責任
Nate八歲的時候妳帶走他
當時我明白了，妳早就病的無可救藥，一切都已經無法挽回
到現在我們對彼此來說就像陌生人，其實我不想這樣
I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far
在這漆黑的夜裡 車頭燈一路亮著
而我猜我們就是這樣
再也回不去了
Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand baby's growth
But I'm sorry mama for Cleaning Out My Closet, at the time I was angry
Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though, cause
Now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes
That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio
And I think of Nathan being placed in a home
And all the medicine you fed us
And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but
Now the medications taken over and your mental states deteriorating slow
And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though
But ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan yo
All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both
Foster care, that cross you bare, few may be as heavy as yours
But I love you Debbie Mathers, oh what a tangled web we have, cause
One thing I never asked was where the fuck my deadbeat dad was
Fuck it I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address
But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus
Own a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas
Someone ever moved them from me? That you could bet your ass's
If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap them
And although one has met their grandma
Once you pulled up in our drive one nights
As we were leaving to get some hamburgers
Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you
And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me
As we pulled off to go our separate paths, and I saw your headlights as I looked back
And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad
So Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet
I guess I had to get this off my chest I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead
The stewardess said to fasten my seat-belt, I guess we're crashing
So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you get this message
That I'll always love you from afar Cause you're my Mama...
因為就算我不想 我們還是像陌生人一樣
因為妳甚至無法陪伴你的孫女長大成人
很抱歉當時我一氣之下寫了"Cleaning Out My Closet"
也許我早該想到，但我從沒想過事情會發展的無法收拾
因為現在我知道那一切不是你的錯，真的
那首歌我再也不唱現場，每當廣播在放送它，我總是會低下頭
當我想起Nathan被放在寄養家庭
還有那些妳餵我們吃的藥
我只希望你自食惡果 不得善終
而現在，那些藥妳的精神狀況越來越差
即使我很難過，也早就哭不出來
但是媽，我原諒你了，Nathan也是
不論妳以前做了和說了什麼，我知道妳已經盡全力扶養我們兩個
寄養家庭，那綁在妳身上的十字架，也許壓的妳喘不過氣
我們之間永遠會是這麼混亂，但我愛妳Debbie Mathers
有一件事我從來沒開口問過，我那該死的爸在哪?
他媽的我猜他連一個地址都顧不好
我翻過每張床墊，每顆石頭和仙人掌 蒐集了許多地圖，我會跟著我的孩子到地圖的邊境
有人想從我身邊帶走他們?妳可以試試看
我會裝成聖誕老人爬下煙囪拐走他們
雖然有一個已經見過妳了
某個夜裡妳停在我家的車道上
我們正好要出去買漢堡
我，她和Nate，我們向她介紹然後擁抱了妳
妳轉身走了，一陣無法承受的悲傷向我襲來
我們分道揚鑣走向不同的路
我回頭只看見妳的車燈
我非常憤怒我沒把握住機會感謝妳一直身兼父母
所以，媽，請讓我把這首歌獻給妳
我想我需要把這些話說出口
在我死掉之前有機會讓妳知道
空姐叫我繫好安全帶，我猜我們要墜機了
如果我不是在作夢，我希望妳收到這些話
即使身在遠方我也會永遠愛妳
因為妳是我的媽媽
I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far
在這漆黑的夜裡 車頭燈一路亮著
而我猜我們就是這樣
再也回不去了
I want a new life(Start over)
One without a cause(Clean slate)
So I'm coming home tonight
Well, no matter what the cost
And if the plane goes down
Or if the crew can't wake me up
Just know that I'm alright
And I was not afraid to die
Even if there's songs to sing
My children will carry me
Just know that I'm alright
我想擁有新的人生(重新開始)
不需要任何理由(既往不咎)
所以，今晚我就要回家
不計代價
假如這台飛機墜毀了
或是他們沒辦法把我叫醒
放心，我沒事
我不怕死
即使我還想繼續唱歌
孩子們會繼承我的意志
記得，我很好
I was not afraid to die
Because I put my faith in my new girl
So I never say goodbye cruel world
Just know that I'm alrightI am not afraid to die.
我不害怕死亡這件事
因為我的小女兒是我的信仰
我絕不會向這殘酷世界說再見
只要記得，我過的挺好
我死而無憾
I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far
在這漆黑的夜裡 車頭燈一路亮著
而我猜我們就是這樣
再也回不去了
x
